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A Few handy new inventions
March 17, 2008Published by stephanieThis article has been carefully compiled by a group of riders with the desire to provide other riders with only the best products on the market. These bike components and protective gear are designed for women who started riding bikes for their boyfriends, or chose to ride bikes to find one. Or those who just ride cause they love it. Whether this hobby is yours, or your hubby's, regular use of the items below will prevent unwanted scars, unwarranted comments, and undue thirst.
Readers should have a sense of humor and a love for any woman who rides a bike.  The gyroscopic hydraulic brakes promote safety and gravitational awareness for those women who prefer to keep their tires on the ground. As the rider reaches slopes greater than 15 degrees, the front brakes will immediately engage to prevent developing unwanted speed. This automatic gyroscopic system will allow women to ride with greater confidence and prevent excessive wear and tear on both their bikes and their bodies! Check out Maxxi's Pads body armor below for all-around protection. See www.hayesdiscbrake.com for a complete selection of those brakes not offered with this special.  “Keep the mud out and the moisture in”. Maxxi's Pads have been under high demand by women who want the protection of hockey pads but the style and flexibility of padded spandex. For added skin care benefits, coat the inside of the pads with Vaseline or your favorite lotion. Moisturize while you play! Application of pads is easy and temporary. For alternative armor selections visit: www.troyleedesigns.com  “Full Speed Application”! If you don't have time to put on your face at home, do it on the hill! This compact headset breaks down to offer 3 different shades of foundation with mirrors and an appliqué for speedy recoveries. Caution: Do not use to cover up open wounds or replace skin. Thoroughly wash out cuts and moisturize scars before application. See www.fullspeedahead.com for other styles of headsets, handlebars and cranksets.  The new Da-Rack Hydrasack comes in 4 different shades and all different sizes. For those women who prefer to really stand out even while they're riding, this dual hydration system promotes girth and prevents thirst. Each bladder holds up to 1 litre. Also on sale: the i-Bra, tunes from your teets, music for two wherever your bikes take you. Earphones sold separately. Visit www.dakine.com for your other hydration, comfort and style needs. With any purchase of the above products we will ship you a FREE TRICK MANUAL including co-ed tricks such as: Spermicide No-Hander: To perform this feat, hit any jump as you would with any no-handed trick, the bigger the jump, the better in terms of both style and functionality. As you release the handlebars, slide forward off your seat until you are sitting directly at the intersection of the head tube and top tube. Bring your hands back to the bars, but hold this seated position upon landing. And special combination tricks like: Spermicide No-Hander to No-Hand Lander The more advanced Spermicide No-Hander: while holding your position (seated on the top tube), land with your hands anywhere but on the bars. If you land this one correctly, never worry about birth control again!  Props to Stephanie for compiling this story. |
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Fatass-of-oz
(March 20, 2008 at 1:37)
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haha I guess. I actually thought the first one was real. I was thinking *Over the bars down a 20ft chute anyone?? sure...promotes confidence...* lol
those fsa headset cometics things are the worst idea ever. y not just put some make up in a bag. and wot happens when those gyroscopic brakes kik in im guessing u go over the bars.
I really hope your not being serious!!! its a joke mate, lighten up and laugh!
Is it April fools already?
Pinkbike realy joke about april first!
Can't wait to see..
last year the site was "yellow" if i'm not wrong!
Can't wait to see..
last year the site was "yellow" if i'm not wrong!
nah its March Mayhem!
lol good article
lol good article
Ahhhh why cant the I-Bra be real? it would be awsome
yes it would be awesome
That's pretty funny. I have to admit, it took me a minute to get the "Hayes her-way" thing.... I'm kinda slow at 7:30 am.
Im still lost and dont quite get it
Spermicide No-Hander to No-Hand Lander
hahahahaha That's awesome!! Coming from a guy with a third kid on the way... LOL
hahahahaha That's awesome!! Coming from a guy with a third kid on the way... LOL
Only 12 days until April Fool's day. You really couldn't wait that long to post this?
Hahahaha funny shit guys! I cant wait to see what you evil geniuses have in store for april fools day!
hate to say it boys, but my chick shreds. No pussy-footin on the trails. AS a matter of fact....most of the chicks i ride with shred hard, and would take this crap and fed-ex it to where the sun don't shine. Maybe your chick needs some extra lovin to get her on the trails. good for her for riding..thing is you could use all these gimmicks for rookie guy riders too...except maybe that bra thing...heh heh ( i know a few guys who could use it). As for the spermicide thing, all i would have to do is try to give her one of these presents and the birth control would be in place..either i wouldnt be gettin any for a while, or she'd fix me right there on the spot with a well placed boot to the gonads.
I'm not sure if you checked to see who the author of this article actually is, but she happens to be one of the best female riders in North America and when it comes to shredding, Steph makes a ton of boys hang their heads in shame. She made this article to lighten things up and have a little fun.
couldnt have said it better brule, dub prof and scary jerry and those other pesimists sure have some serious shit stuck up there asses if the cant take some humour
This was an incredibly shitty article.
u have an incredibly shitty sense of humor bro
fsa headset was funniest, funny how jonah1992 actually believed it haha!
"the i-Bra, tunes from your teets" lmao nice thats good shit hahahahaha
I need the Spermicide thing.. Really useful and should always have some boxes of it on the rear seat of your car.
haha the bra thing made me laugh
i tottally dont get this article
What up with all the chicks on pinkbike rocking the old bikes with 5" inches or less of travel. Some of these ladies can rip, and the need a proper ride that doesn't hold them back.
Steph may rip, but she has a horrid sense of humor.
LMAO funny being a female and reading that made me laugh. Good One
Wow haha makes me remember trying to get gf's to ride dh with me.
HA! Where was the spermicide no-hander when I needed it 5 months ago?! I think I'll need the iBra - does it come in a nursing configuration too?!
Thanks for posting one for the girlies pinkbike.com
Thanks for posting one for the girlies pinkbike.com
I love this article. I just started riding this season. I love it, can't get enough of it, and can't wait to meet more people and get even better at it
thats f*ckin awesome i like the spermicide no hander to no lander
lmao!
lmao!
lol
i like the hayes-her-way gyroscopic brakes best
i like the hayes-her-way gyroscopic brakes best
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